THE LOOP AT MIDWEEK: A DAY IN THE LIFE OF KEVIN McHALE
The Timberwolves are coming off one of their most pathetic seasons ever, and their fans are ready to revolt. Is the team's architect spending his every waking hour plotting a revival? THE LOOP takes a closer look.
Pioneer Press
Article Last Updated: 05/24/2007 09:44:47 PM CDT
Feeling groggy. Discovers he's in the back of an ambulance with potentially mortal wounds. Screams like a banshee when driver turns his face to him: It's Eddie Griffin.
Awakes in cold sweat.
Dream diary entry: "Had the nightmare again!"
Finally rolls out of bed; decides today is going to be a "maintenance day."
Breakfast meeting with Wolves director of scouting, Count Chocula.
Picks up his complimentary copy of Forbes magazine's top general managers issue. Spends good 10 minutes looking for centerfold.
First executive decision of the day: "There's still plenty of fishing left!"
After frustrating search, finally finds tackle box underneath a crumpled pile of unused first-round draft picks.
Delighted, calls chauffeurs, Fred Hoiberg and Jim Stack, for a ride.
Checks his e-mail. Finds angry note from fan urging him to "Fish or cut bait."
Sends polite reply, thanking fan for suggestion but pointing out it's actually Hoiberg's job to cut the bait.
Hoiberg and Stack arrive, get berated for not wearing their special "McHale's Navy" T-shirts.
Caravan heads out to undisclosed area
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Advertisement
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.yahoobest.com
Reveals the day's mystery lake, which has been kept secret to avoid the risk of shoreline hecklers.
Turns on sports talk radio when he runs out of things to talk about with Hoiberg and Stack.
Hears the word "idiot" on the airwaves. Assuming they're discussing him or Brad Childress, decides to switch stations.
After half-hour of fruitless scanning, settles on Jack FM upon hearing opening strains of "The Safety Dance."
Glen Taylor tracks him down on the cell, wanting to talk about the upcoming draft and free-agent prospects over golf.
Turns down owner's offer because golf requires too much exertion.
After arriving at dock, McHale caravan sets sail in search of dinner.
Noon: Realizing what time it is, caravan turns back to shore in search of lunch.
Enjoys bountiful lunch feast of deer jerky and Hamm's while refusing to take trade calls from Knicks, Bulls, Celtics, Lakers and the Lithuanian national team.
Accepting friendly wager from bartender, tries to smoke him under the table.
Commences afternoon of fishing.
Hoiberg has inspiration: Tries to get McHale to think of the draft as fishing, and players as fish. It goes nowhere.
After Hoiberg catches what appears to be a world record-sized muskie. McHale orders him to trade it for Joe Smith.
Takes cell phone call about a job reference. Tells caller that Bill Blair would be a fine addition to the Foot Locker family.
Catches several northern pike, realizes each bears a passing resemblance to Marko Jaric.
Orders Hoiberg to clean all his pike with prejudice.
Heads to shore to enjoy some TV time at a dockside tavern.
His two favorite words: "Hamm's" and "Oprah."
Storms away from TV after start of Channel 4 news when Frank and Amelia call for McHale's deportation.
Heads outside to watch his cronies fry up dinner. Enjoys watching Stack turn beet red whenever he calls him "Rachael Ray."
Before supper, leads grace, giving thanks for his past few years of undeserved income.
Concludes grace with prayer for the hungry children of Sprewell.
Takes call from Charley Walters; tells him off the record he's looking hard at 6-11 off-guard from Belarus.
At dinner's end, Hoiberg offers toast to "Fortune magazine's No. 1 GM" Much laughter follows.
Orders Hoiberg and Stack to stop laughing.
Trio begins homeward drive, during which McHale refuses to take trade calls from Cavaliers, Clippers and the Harlem Globetrotters.
Note to self: Buy Street Smith's Draft Guide.
Forces his assistants to join in a sing-along of "Come On Eileen."
Arrives home. Sits down in front of the 72-inch plasma for an evening of NBA playoff basketball.
Remembers to write monthly check to Christian Children's Fund, through which he cares for an undernourished child named Ndudi Ebi.
While watching Detroit beat Cleveland, wracks his brain trying to remember name of the idiot who gave up on Chauncey Billups.
Closes eyes and reminisces about his last trip to NBA Finals, as well as other events during the Reagan administration.
Drifts off to begin his daily 12 hours of shuteye.
The Timberwolves are coming off one of their most pathetic seasons ever, and their fans are ready to revolt. Is the team's architect spending his every waking hour plotting a revival? THE LOOP takes a closer look.
Pioneer Press
Article Last Updated: 05/24/2007 09:44:47 PM CDT
Feeling groggy. Discovers he's in the back of an ambulance with potentially mortal wounds. Screams like a banshee when driver turns his face to him: It's Eddie Griffin.
Awakes in cold sweat.
Dream diary entry: "Had the nightmare again!"
Finally rolls out of bed; decides today is going to be a "maintenance day."
Breakfast meeting with Wolves director of scouting, Count Chocula.
Picks up his complimentary copy of Forbes magazine's top general managers issue. Spends good 10 minutes looking for centerfold.
First executive decision of the day: "There's still plenty of fishing left!"
After frustrating search, finally finds tackle box underneath a crumpled pile of unused first-round draft picks.
Delighted, calls chauffeurs, Fred Hoiberg and Jim Stack, for a ride.
Checks his e-mail. Finds angry note from fan urging him to "Fish or cut bait."
Sends polite reply, thanking fan for suggestion but pointing out it's actually Hoiberg's job to cut the bait.
Hoiberg and Stack arrive, get berated for not wearing their special "McHale's Navy" T-shirts.
Caravan heads out to undisclosed area
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Advertisement
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.yahoobest.com
Reveals the day's mystery lake, which has been kept secret to avoid the risk of shoreline hecklers.
Turns on sports talk radio when he runs out of things to talk about with Hoiberg and Stack.
Hears the word "idiot" on the airwaves. Assuming they're discussing him or Brad Childress, decides to switch stations.
After half-hour of fruitless scanning, settles on Jack FM upon hearing opening strains of "The Safety Dance."
Glen Taylor tracks him down on the cell, wanting to talk about the upcoming draft and free-agent prospects over golf.
Turns down owner's offer because golf requires too much exertion.
After arriving at dock, McHale caravan sets sail in search of dinner.
Noon: Realizing what time it is, caravan turns back to shore in search of lunch.
Enjoys bountiful lunch feast of deer jerky and Hamm's while refusing to take trade calls from Knicks, Bulls, Celtics, Lakers and the Lithuanian national team.
Accepting friendly wager from bartender, tries to smoke him under the table.
Commences afternoon of fishing.
Hoiberg has inspiration: Tries to get McHale to think of the draft as fishing, and players as fish. It goes nowhere.
After Hoiberg catches what appears to be a world record-sized muskie. McHale orders him to trade it for Joe Smith.
Takes cell phone call about a job reference. Tells caller that Bill Blair would be a fine addition to the Foot Locker family.
Catches several northern pike, realizes each bears a passing resemblance to Marko Jaric.
Orders Hoiberg to clean all his pike with prejudice.
Heads to shore to enjoy some TV time at a dockside tavern.
His two favorite words: "Hamm's" and "Oprah."
Storms away from TV after start of Channel 4 news when Frank and Amelia call for McHale's deportation.
Heads outside to watch his cronies fry up dinner. Enjoys watching Stack turn beet red whenever he calls him "Rachael Ray."
Before supper, leads grace, giving thanks for his past few years of undeserved income.
Concludes grace with prayer for the hungry children of Sprewell.
Takes call from Charley Walters; tells him off the record he's looking hard at 6-11 off-guard from Belarus.
At dinner's end, Hoiberg offers toast to "Fortune magazine's No. 1 GM" Much laughter follows.
Orders Hoiberg and Stack to stop laughing.
Trio begins homeward drive, during which McHale refuses to take trade calls from Cavaliers, Clippers and the Harlem Globetrotters.
Note to self: Buy Street Smith's Draft Guide.
Forces his assistants to join in a sing-along of "Come On Eileen."
Arrives home. Sits down in front of the 72-inch plasma for an evening of NBA playoff basketball.
Remembers to write monthly check to Christian Children's Fund, through which he cares for an undernourished child named Ndudi Ebi.
While watching Detroit beat Cleveland, wracks his brain trying to remember name of the idiot who gave up on Chauncey Billups.
Closes eyes and reminisces about his last trip to NBA Finals, as well as other events during the Reagan administration.
Drifts off to begin his daily 12 hours of shuteye.